Yesterday was the last evening in September 2020, I got so nervous when I realized it is the end of the month ! I thought about the tasks I should accomplished by now, and the emails I should replied My brain jumped into the future and started to worry about the deadlines.
OMG it is only few months to the submission date and I don’t have a complet draft for my thesis yet.
I have to update the chapters based on my supervisor’s comments, can I make it?!
Am I going to get the PhD?
What if I couldn’t meet the deadline?
My ego started to creeping into my head and I couldn’t help not to dwell on negative thoughts. Regrets, blaming and other feelings that I have no words to describe all found thier place in my head.
I made an effort to stop terrifying myself, I strive to gain back the control over my brain and calm my soul.
I thought about journaling !
I needed that time to go to my journal and through what was in my heart and my head. i gave myself a space to process my thoughts and feelings, analyse them, and see the pattern in them. Before I left my journal, the date that was in the head of the page caught my eye!
30 September 2020
When I saw the date, my attention suddenly shifted toward 1st of October !1
It is a new month!
I remembered how I appreciate and love the beginnings,
The beginning of a year,
a month or
It is another chance ,to start again.
It is another chance, to better myself,
To learn the skills I want to learn
To go to the places I want to visit
To meet the people I want to meet
To tick the boxes in my to do list!
To finish the projects I started
I am given a new chance !
I started to remind myself that yesterday become part of the past, it is gone and so do its failures and experiences. I am given another chance another day, I am forgiven for the past and for all of my failures.
and as for these failures, I can use them to changes my future
I can use the challenges and the difficulties of the past as a path that lead me to the life I want. I can create how I want the next end to be. I can create the end of October!.
IKIGAI helps me to beat the negative voice that was in my head last night. I just started to read new book called IKIGAI, it is a Japanese philosophy in how to live a purposeful life.
I came cross something that helped me to shift my attention toward the future instead of the past. The chapter I am at, describes how we can slow the process of aging buy indulging ourselves in some intellectual activities
Here what the author says;
“Our neurons start to age while we are still in our twenties. This process is slowed, however, by intellectual activities, curiosity, and a desire to learn. Dealing with new situations, learning something new every day, playing games, and interacting with other people seem to be essential antiaging strategies for the mind. Furthermore, a more positive outlook in this regard will yield greater mental benefits.”IKIGI, Hector Garcia, Albert Liebermann
This quote was what I needed to uplift my mood and look at the future in a positive way. I woke up this morning, dressed up and went the gym as normal but with positive mindset. When I came back from the gym, I planned to do activities that will make my day an ideal one. I have been trying to stay calm, do my best at my PhD work and just stay present.
Life is a journey, it is a mixture of problems, lessons and experiences. We just need to enjoy the journey and make the best of what we have.
Note to self;
Most of your fears are only exist in your mind
Worries will not change the reality, it would just make things harder for you.
Live the experience fully with all of its ups and downs
And remember, it always seems impossible until it is done!