Fresh start can be made every day, we don’t have to wait until the beginning of a week, a month or even a year. We can start right now from where we are and with what we have.
2020 is undeniably one of the most difficult year for the whole humanity where we found our lives threatened. Many of us had dreams, goals and resolutions to accomplish in 2020, yet, winds blow counter to what ships desire!
We didn’t expect the lockdown, we didn’t even expect that our mobilities would be restricted!! It is a tough year that will be ever remembered as it effected the whole world.
The question is: how about the resolutions we had? should we forget about the goals we had ?! absolutely not, we can readjust them according to the current circumstances and we can still make the best possible outcomes of this year “2020”.
I just moved into a new home after five year of living in my previous one, it wasn’t a decision I made by choice, I had to vacate the flat due to the owner’s desire. It was the time to say goodbye to the place that welcomed me, my thoughts, and my feeling five years. Goodbye to all memories I had in this flat. And it is the time to make another place a home for my thoughts and I.
This change I had to made was not easy for me to swallow, it required lots of adjustments when it comes to my mood and my emotions. I now need to create a new comfort zone for me and my world. I resisted that change mentally, but I gotta do what I gotta do!
Last night before my bed time, I thought about the rest of 2020, it is 15th of September 2020, I am in the process of creating a new comfort zone at my new place, I asked myself, is it too late to do something new? Or to try or learn new things?!
Why not do something different, or maybe go back to the deferred desires and make something come true? It is never too late.
“ Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but desire fulfilled is a tree of life”.
As I pull together my thoughts, I grabbed my notebook and my pen, in a new page, I wrote
Fresh start !
I like writing, it is one of the activities I find myself doing by default whenever I want to think “out loud”. When I was a teenager, writing was my way to express the feelings I had, largely, those feelings and emotions revolved around my anger and frustration. Writing one sentence was enough for me to give all of my negative emotions that filled my chest a one way ticket to nowhere.
I usesd to write anywhere, I didn’t have specific journal, my school notebooks were my life journals, I screamed in my math notebook, shouted in my English notebooks and said NO in my science notebook. It did not really matter what notebook that was as long as I own it!
I stopped writing after sever time I have been read, one of those people who read my feelings and started questioning me about them was my mom ! I didn’t like to be exposed, I didn’t want to be asked about why I felt the way I felt or why I wrote what I wrote, I didn’t want to talk, hence, I quit writing for many years!!. Or to put it accurately, I didn’t completely stopped, however, I deliberately made my writing ambiguous, by mixing languages or write less than what I had in my mind. Writing is my only place where I can say what I cannot say to my external world, It was a very difficult decision for me not being able to be honest in my writing for the fear of being read as and being judged on my how I feel.
It has been five years now since I free my thoughts, I allowed myself gradually to be vulnerable in my writing, to be honest and to write whatever come into my mind. I allowed myself to be me and just write.
I am an introverted, compassionate, dreamer, visionary, imaginative, and observer. I live in my own world, the world I chose. Regardless of how others describe me as an unrealistic person, I am realistic! I believe that life is how you vision it in your mind not how you actually live it. I believe in the power of dreams. I believe that before it became a reality, it has been dreamed of and created in in my mind.
The world I created in my mind may not be seen by others but for me, it is real, it is true.. It is not about perfection because my world is not perfect, it is about compassion, kindness, loving, happiness, and mindfulness.
I want to write about my world, I want to write about the stories I have in my mind, the characters I live with in my mind. I have a book inside of me.
Yet, I don’t mind if my book was out of reach of anybody, I am not keening to be read, I just want to write and to be free.
“ today is a most unusual day, because we have never lived it before; we will never live it again; it is the only day we have”
It is today that is matter, not tomorrow, why waiting for tomorrow to do what I want to do?!. I have the power to make myself do what I want to do.
So, I will unleash the soul inside of me, I will give her a permission to live, to continue doing what she wants to do and make the most of the rest of 2020
Every day is a fresh start