Childhood script can also be called “life scripts”, each one of us has this script written and created by our own unique experiences which might differentiate us as individuals from one another.
According to Transactional Analysis (TA) theory that is found by Eric Berne, our childhood scripts influence our behaviors and our reactions to the events happened to us. This theory emphasizes the “child ego state” which refers to the spontaneous child we all once were and how this child adapted to the pressure of his/her early life.
Although in inner child therapy the focus is more toward the unhealthy childhood, not all scripts is a result to unhealthy childhood. Some of the scripts are healthy, encourage creativity, love and compassionate but this creativity has been lost as we are getting busy making lives. Our inner child might, in many cases, suffer from blocked emotional energy, in the inner child healing, we are trying to release these emotions and reconnect with that inner child, we need to travel back to the past and re experience any emotions that are blocked and free them.
Life positions and childhood scripts:
Life position is a basic beliefs about self and others which are used to justify decisions taken and behaviors. These positions is a result to our past life, the child we were once, it can take a form of one of the following list;
1- i am ok, you are ok
2- i am ok you are not ok
3- i am not ok you are ok
4- i am not ok you are not ok
Beren says that a person might juggle from one potion into another within a day depends on the circumstances.
Let me describe and give an example of each one of these positions
• I am ok you are ok
This is a mentally healthy position, a person here with this mindset is more respectful to others, he/she is more respectful to the differences among people. They have positive outlook to themselves and others significance. Being in this position means being ok with who you are and allowing others to express themselves as they desire. You are mindfully present and grounded at any circumstance you are at, that means you are not controlled by the past, “the child ego”, and you are speaking your own present mind.
• I am ok, you are not ok
A person here takes a position of victim, blaming others for her/his miseries. Some people suffer from self-victimization, they blame their parents, the government, their bosses even the weather for their miserable life. They don’t see that the problem is in them, as well as the why they look at life and others. This mentality has been influenced by the past of that person.
• I am not ok, you are ok.
I am not good enough, i am stupid, i always do mistakes, I don’t deserve to be in a good position because (…)….. etc all of these are ideas and thoughts that fill a person’s mind who is in a position of “i am not ok you are ok”. He/she always blame themselves for others’ mistake, even when others mistreated them. For example; she believes that she deserves to be treated badly because she is not good enough. A person in this position is very critical and judgmental to herself, she feels powerless and useless, she probably compare herself to others or to an ideal situation. This is a very common position, most of the inner child therapy seekers are seeking to heal this insecure inner child who suffers from low self esteem which lead to depression and anxiety.
• I am not ok you are not ok
A person here can reach to a point where he/she lose interest in life and hopeless. This may lead to violent behaviors verbally or physically. They look at themself negatively and look at other the same way.
These are the four positions according to TA theory that an individual may take which each position is a reflection of ones childhood. The child we were once and how this child has been treated, shape the position the adult take. We might take more then one position at the same day, for instance; a man can be “ i am not ok, you are ok” with his boss at work, and can be “ i am ok you are not ok” at home with his spouse.
When do we need to heal this child?
I am ok you are ok is the healthiest among the four life positions. A person here, does not need to obtain others’ approval because he/she is contend and confident. People here are more successful in their relationships at work, home …etc. any other position need to be considered an healed to live better life.
The first thing in the inner child healing journey is to notice a pattern of our behaviors, “which position we habitually take in any given situation”
if we notice any unbalancing in our behaviours, we need to start asking questions to understand where that feeling is come from, this requires digging deep and go back to the past to trace the issue.
Questions that can help in the investigation such as;
• What cause that feeling?
• What events or circumstances trigger this feeling?
Maybe you are listening to the inner child for the first time in your whole life which might be shocking, but it is very important, you will discover a lot of things in your personality, you will understand yourself more and will enhance your understanding about others. You will also learn how to be compassionate to yourself and others.
During this journey, using affirmation is very helpful to comfort that child, to give her/him what she/he deserves and to start being present “being the adult”.
I am still in the journey of healing the inner child, sometimes it is taugh as it gets deeper, but it is an eye opener, it explains lots of my behaviors and feelings. I also started to see the inner child of people around me, i realized that we are all the innocent child we were once, that child needs care and compassion, and need to be heard.
To be ocntinioued …