Why it is so hard to accept being rejected?
This question come into my mind when i notice lots of people who i am dealing with trying to hide their true self, as a way to protect themselves from getting hurt. They tend to appear tougher, hiding their emotions. It is hard for them to say how they feel or what they want especially if there is emotions involved.
“ I like your”
How hard to say this sentence! It takes someone ages to say it, they might spend their whole life without even say this to someone they like!
Obviously, to avoid getting rejected. They expect to get rejected, this raise a number of questions such as;
• Why it is so important to avoid this rejection?
• Where that fear come from?
• And how to overcome this fear and unleash the person inside of each one of us who meant to live free of fears and lots of unpleasant feelings.
I am not different then others, i have an ego that cannot handle rejection. I also have my insecurities. It is safer to stay away from love and relationships in general to avoid dealing with the negative results of revealing my true emotions.
Everyone has an ego, based on the research i did about the meaning or the origin of word ego, i found many explanations such as;
• Edging God out
• Everyone Got One
• Everyone Gets One
I also found that Ego is;
• The “I”
• The way we look at ourselves and others.
• The image that somones have about his/herself
Ego is part of our personalities, we cant live without it, however, ego can be healthy or unhealthy sometimes.
I am not going to talk here about the healthy ego as my topic is dealing with the fear of rejection which is one form of the unhealthy ego.
Unhealthy ego can come in a form of shield a person use to protect him/her self from the outside world. This may lead the person to live his\her life wearing a mask that is designed specifically based on how they want to appear to the world. Which doesn’t reflect the real self. It is tiring and preventing us to love and accept ourselves and our lives. Unhealthy ego will force you to stay in what it is called the comfort zone, which not comfortable stating in this zone as it prevents us from expending our experiences and live the life we desire. To much ego make us have unrealistic expectations of ourselves and other and in order to meet these expectations we need to be different then our real selves.
Fear of rejection and seeking approval are signs of unhealthy ego.
It is so hard to accept any form of rejection, we feel that there is something wrong with ourselves, specially when the reaction we got is different then what we were expecting.
It hurts our feeling and in order to protect ourselves we withdraw gradually.
We all want to be loved, appreciated and respected, this is the expectation we have, although this is not the case all the time. After searching and reading in this topic i come up with some important points that i want to keep as a reminder. A reminder to not let the ego control me and my behaviours.
Here is the points that can be kept as affirmations:
• Things should not be taken personally:
When we get rejected we feel guilty, we hate ourselves and look for what is wrong in our personality, i am teaching myself not to take things personally. Many if not all of the people’s behaviours who i deal with have nothing to do with me. I can be nice and be treated badly or can be bad and be treated nicely. It is not me it is them who have the full right to be themselves and to speak their heads.
We all have different background, different experiences that shaped and formed our prospective and our way of thinking. If someone has been hurt before, then he/she will make sure that this would not happen to them again. Therefore, if these kind of people decided to protect themselves from everybody, then expect to be one of their outer world who they try to protect themselves from. I should not blame myself. The one thing i need to always remember is that i would never truly know what goes on within other’s mind. Understanding people is a personal effort, i might succeed in understanding them or fail.
• Being rejected by somebody it is not really me!
We all have our own insecurities and fears, these fears might be different from one to another but it is important to acknowledge that. A person who rejected you is dealing with his/her own personal issues and insecurities, it is not my fault I don’t cause that fear they have!!, and whatever i do to assure them, if they don’t want to trust me, i would never succeed in convincing them to trust me, no matter how nice i am. Let them deal with their own issues and disengage yourself from their issues. The harsher these people past was the higher emotional insecurities they are going to have. So, take yourself out of this insecurity game.
• See beyond the rejection!
it is normal that the first thing you might get into when you experience rejection is the self doubt, it will distract the peace in you. However, what you should do in this case is to go further and beyond what happened, and think deeply about the purpose of this rejection. There are many reasons and most of the time non of these reasons have to do with you!!
This could happen for the sake of happier life ahead. Not everything happens against our aspiration is bad ! Things sometimes is removed from our way for good.
Think about it this way,; “what is meant to be will be”. Think about the purpose of this pain which might hard to be acknowledged the moment we get rejected but soon things will be crystal clear and it will explore itself. So the message to myself, be happy with who you are and don’t hold into things that is not meant to be for you. Look to the future with positive lens.
• Take care of your inner child
Reacting to a present rejection can be influenced by our past experience. Most of our behaviors and reactions to events are coming from the insecure inner child. It is important to take care of this inner child, heal her and comfort her. The overreaction we sometimes undertake to our daily events can be influenced by the times back when we were turned out, got hurt, or got offended, understanding the source of this overreaction and anger can sooth the process of dealing with the present unpleasant emotions that is caused by rejection. Be emotionally intelligent, understand your emotions and feelings, and always question the source of your reaction, ask a question such as; is it because of what is happening right now? Or it is something related to my past? Be emotionally mindful.
• Last and the most importantly, they are missing a lot !
Without deceiving yourself, put your ego aside and be honest with yourself, if you are a person who dare to say sorry and admit their faults than you are a person with a big heart. If you are not controlled by your ego, you are a good person. If they cannot see this in you, then it is not your issue!. Always remind yourself that you are an awesome person, caring, loving, and compassionate. The good traits you have may be overlooked by someone else but be nice with yourself and acknowledge them.
• Life is all about experiences
rejection is one of these experiences, it is not meant to break us, there is always lessons learned from these experiences to create brighter future. It could be to fix something in you which is categorized under self improvement. Or could be to teach you about human beings as social animals and relationships. Don’t waste your time living with anger, sadness and doubts. Everyday, you are better, wiser, and more powerful.
It is ok to be wrong, to make mistakes and to apologize. When someone treated you in a way you don’t deserve, thats fine, they are just expressing themselves, let them be themselves.
Stay, positive, stay mindful, stay humble, stay grounded, and live your life with love
Have a wonderful life